Do Not Crochet with a Hangover.

You can't just crochet whenever you have a spare minute. Trust me, you really have to "feel" the crochet before you sit down and make that time commitment. Yesterday, for example, I attempted the crochet the day after hosting our gym's xmas party. This is not just any party, people. It's a Saskpro CrossFit xmas party. Our members are some of the most competitive people I've ever met - which is fantastic when you're trying to push yourself during a workout - not so fantastic when you're consuming alcohol. But, extremely entertaining! I awoke Sunday morning afternoon with a horrendous headache. I did not have time to wallow in my self-inflicted pain. This baby is coming in just over a month's time and I currently have enough crochet squares to possibly cover the baby's left foot. I popped a Tylenol and got to work. Bad idea. The swooping, hooking, and pulling made my stomach turn. I actually had to restart one stitch 3 times, muttering threats under my breath, "if you do that again, yarn, I will seriously kick your ass." Now that is NOT the energy you want to put into a baby blanket. I threw in the towel and admitted defeat. Vodka:1, Kirstie: 0. There are just some circumstances in which the crochet should not happen. Grandma failed to warn me that crocheting with a hang-over is a big no-no.

You mean most people don't chug wine upside down at their xmas parties?

I have; however, found optimal conditions for the crochet. I'd like to share my top 2:

1) During an Evan Lindsay "budget" talk. I just threw up in my mouth. The Evan Lindsay budget talk is like my least favorite thing in the world. Evan tries to pretend it's not a "budget" talk, he even attempts to disguise it by renaming it clever things like, "profit planning." I'm on to you, Evan Lindsay. On cue, as soon as I hear words like, "RRSP's" "mortgage payments," "tax-free savings account," etc, I completely shut down. I see Evan's mouth move, but I cannot make out the words. My little head fogs over and I desperately try to find my happy place (diving with whale sharks, a nice glass of wine, wakesurfing on a summer's day). I nod and smile, having NO clue what Evan is saying. I've found that the crochet fits quite nicely into this scenario. As poor Ev attempts to plan our financial future, thinking he has my undivided attention, I happily focus on the swoop, dive, hook, and pull, producing some of my finest stitches!

2) During a "top 3" movie. I've never met a person who doesn't have at least one favorite movie that they obsess over, watching repeatedly, whilst continuing to be entertained. I have 3: "Romancing The Stone," "Dirty Dancing," and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation."Each of these movies would be optimal to watch whilst crocheting.

While most 6 year olds were practicing their "care bear stare" or prancing around like, "My Little Pony," I was repeating my favorite line from "Romancing The Stone."  "How would you like to die, Joan Wilder. Slow, like a snail? Or fast, like a shooting star?" Pretty messed up, right? I have no idea why my parents condoned my obsessive fascination with that movie, but, whatever...I turned out OK. Mostly. I loved that movie. Apparently, most 6 year olds were not as in to Michael Douglas as I was?

Dirty Dancing is epic. How could you NOT love that movie? Janna and I shared a deep love for Patrick Swayze. Sharing a little house off of Whyte Ave in Edmonton, Janna and I watched that movie repeatedly during our University years. We did; however, run into one problem. Our VCR was salvaged from the dump. It didn't quite work properly. One of us was required to sit on the floor and hold the cable that connected the VCR to the TV at all times. A little inconvenient, but it never prevented us from acting out every single scene in that movie (Man, how annoying would it be to watch that movie with us?). Janna took it one step further and actually performed the "time of my life" finale dance at her wedding. Wow. It was impressive. Aren't they going to be cool parents? Check it out:

Finally, I'm finding that the crochet works very well with National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. I don't even have to look up. I hear Clark W. Griswold proclaim, "I give you the Griswold Family Christmas Tree!" and I can immediately picture that massive tree crashing through their living room window. That movie evokes so much festive cheer within me. As I chuckle happily with each swoop, I imagine that baby giggling under my happy little squares, thinking, "My aunty Kirstie is frickin' hilarious!"

36 days until baby! 9 squares to go!