The Time that Evan ALMOST made World Juniors

As I wait in misery for an MRI that will likely confirm that whatever wasn’t previously shredded in my knee is now destroyed, I am grateful that I am not a professional hockey player.

You see, although I’m tired of explaining to my hospital co-workers that I’ve managed to eff the knee up even more, I’m quite certain that none of my colleagues are secretly hoping that I will never walk again - except for the Nurse who shook her finger at me and said, "Will you ever learn?" I’m sure most of my co-workers are rooting for me – why wouldn’t they? If I was a goalie, on the other hand, someone would be celebrating my injury.

When Evan signed with the Montreal Canadiens, he immediately entered the Canadiens “depth chart.” The depth chart is a formal ranking system that places each team’s players in order of importance, subsequently, the order in which players will be called up from the minors to the NHL. At one point, Evan was ranked as the Montreal Canadiens 4^th goaltender (they “owned” around 10 goalies). This meant that if 3 goalies ahead of him became injured, traded, or retired, Evan would become the starting goalie for the Canadiens. The natural human response is to secretly hope that something bad will happen to the 3 dudes ahead of you on the depth chart. Likewise, goalie number 5 was definitely watching Evan, quietly hoping for a career-ending groin pull. Sick, isn’t it? An injury to any player in the system also meant a move, which tended to make me nervous. I would finally purchase a ticket to visit Evan in insert name of random city here, only to watch Jeff Hackett sprain his ankle on Hockey Night in Canada, resulting in an immediate team shift for all the goalies in Montreal’s system. Your destiny as a professional hockey player is determined by much more than just your abilities.

My favorite tale of injury-wishing (and one that Ryan would ask Ev to tell over and over) occurred when Evan was invited to World Junior tryouts. Four goalies, including Evan, were battling it out for the 2 spots. One such goalie was Roberto Luongo. You may have heard of him - he’s currently the goaltender for the Vancouver Canucks and a shmallionaire.

Ev admits that as he watched a 17 year old Luongo in World Junior tryouts, it was apparent that Luongo was in a completely different league. He was very good. And he had fancy, expensive, and much larger equipment than Evan (huge pads are key whilst trying to stop the puck). Evan hated him, just a little bit. As Evan’s faithful girlfriend, I hated him too. Although I had never met the guy, I had convinced myself that he kicked puppies and pinched babies in his spare time.

Try-outs consisted of intersquad games, where the group was split into two teams. Evan was at one end. Luongo was at the other. Halfway through the game, Evan and Luongo would retire to the bench and the other 2 goalies would finish the game.

Ev played awesome. His team was up 2-1 and had been outshot 21-9. He was pumped. Midway through the game, as he and Luongo skated back to the bench, Luongo tilted back his mask, nodded, and in his thick French accent said, “good job,” making Ev dislike him just a bit more.

Sitting side-by-side on the bench, Evan and Luongo leaned over the boards and proceeded to watch the rest of the game. Suddenly, Evan could see that a defenseman was attempting to clear the puck and it was directed straight for Evan’s head. Evan swerved to avoid the puck, and it smacked Luongo right in the face. Boom.

Luongo fell to the ground, face bleeding. The game stopped and the trainer kneeled over Luongo, ensuring their prize goaltender was OK. Suddenly Evan’s future flashed before his eyes – could this possibly be his chance to play for the World Junior team? This could be his big break. Evan stood over a bleeding Luongo and quietly hoped, “Please don’t get up. Please don’t get up.”

Down boy. Down, I say!

Luongo got up. They stitched him up and he continued to play well.  Not only was he the super awesome goalie, but he was now the super awesome goalie that excelled through adversity.  He made the team. Evan did not.

The morale of the story is: if you wish ill upon someone else, someday you will be married to a woman with a shitty knee…or something like that.

ahahah (french laugh) H'Evan has wife with bad knee!