Shreddin some gnar


I am so stoked! My moves were supa steezy when I was shreddin the gnar! Hold up, you say.We don't speak no sk8r talk. Ok, let's back it up. I had my first longboarding lesson yesterday and have been sporting a perma-grin ever since. Just so you can join in my excitement, I will break down my epic day for all of you:
September 1, 2011:
4:25pm: At work. Can't concentrate. So flippin' excited, I almost become incontinent. Almost.

4:35: Head to Saskpro CrossFit to show owner/operator/husband, Evan, my new helmet. He agrees to sponsor me. We seal the deal with a sticker for the new helmet

4:40: I ask the kids at the Teens Fitness class if they think my new helmet is cool. They nod obediently. Practicing my new sk8r lingo, I tell the kids that I am fully aware that I'm a "newb" (short for newbie - someone new at something). One kid tells me that I'm an "ultimate Noob" with double oo's. That can't be good. Confidence takes a dive.
5:25: Accompanied by my lawyer/videographer, Allicia, I enter 10 foot touque and am immediately greeted by my coach Randy and his sidekick "Bass." Bass was a newb just over a year ago. Reportedly, he has become quite proficient at the sport. I tell the group that I am excited. Randy informs me that I am "stoked." Yes. I am stoked.

I take my lawyer with me everywhere I go



5:30: Randy and Bass check out my new lid (helmet). Apparently, regardless of skill, all longboarders wear helmets. And it is cool. 10 foot touque agrees to sponsor me. We seal the deal with a sticker for the "lid."

5:35: Randy hooks me up with a sweet 10 foot touque t-shirt and a beautiful purple bucsu longboard. These boards are created by two young women in Penticton. Confidence is high again. How lucky am I?

My new gear - I'm stoked

5:35: Record video for blog. Randy reports that "balance" and "committment" are essential skills for longboarders. I am relieved. These guys haven't seen my sick headstand balance. I also consider myself committed. Just that morning, I reluctantly stayed in that 20 minute line at Tim Horton's, despite the painfully slow service. What can I say? I was committed.
5:40: Randy informs me that we need to get going. I don't want to be "poser." A poser is one who simply walks around with the board in his hands. I'm informed that it's much better to be a newb (even a nOOb) than a poser. Let's go, no posers here!
5:45: Me, Randy, Bass, and my lawyer/videographer head down to the Rotary Trail on the riverbank. Randy tells us that is actually illegal to board on the sidewalks down to the trail. I consult my lawyer. She will pursue changing this law ASAP.
5:50: We're at the trail. We're ready to go. Randy shows me the parts of the board: the deck, the truck, the wheels. When the wheels touch the deck, that's called "wheel bite." That is bad.

No wheel bite here

5:55: I want to pop my board up like the boys. They look cool. They just stand, chat, and then use their toe to pop the board up, catching it in their hand, without missing a beat. I practice this for 20 minutes, banging my shin, abdomen, and nose. Finally, I get it. I am stoked.
5:57: I stand on the board. It is flexible! I go for my first ride. It's ugly. I lose my board, chasing it down the riverbank. It's tough to look cool when you're chasing a board down the riverbank. Randy informs me that he will not be fishing my board out of the river. Must be better.
6:00: Bass shows us his moves. His board is much longer than the one I'm riding. He's so awesome, he actually has a trick named after him."The Bassanova." He shows us. The board flies up in the air, twists and turns, and then he magically lands on it. Impressive.I secretly wonder what I will call my trick. Once I get good, I mean. I learn that his moves are "steezy" or "steeze." What a concept! As a Speech-Language Pathologist, I am totally impressed that longboarders have combined "style" and "ease" to create such a unique word. I fear that,currently, I am not "steezy." Bass informs me that when a boarder is wobbly, he is "sketch" or "chunk." Yep, I'm a sketchy chunk for sure.

My sketchy chunk

6:10: Randy encourages me to balance on my front foot and then eventually add the back foot. Once I get comfortable with that, I put both feet on the board. I feel like I'm carving hard down the path with steeze. Once I review the video, I am sadly aware that I am still chunk. But a happy chunk! I practice for the next 45 minutes. I'll get this.
6:55: I want to impress Randy and Bass. I show them my mad headstand skills. On the board. The board is on the grass, but nevermind. I thought it was mildly impressive. Until I review the pics and see that Bass is busy texting on his phone while I am showing off. Oh dear.

Watch this!

Bass: Get off your phone. Watch me!

7:10: Randy asks me if I'd like to "drop acid," I consult my lawyer. Affirmative. "Dropping acid" is a term for throwing the board down and jumping on it. Dropping acid looks easy. It's not. I fall. My first fall. I'm pretty sure my fall was steezy.

7:15: Randy and Bass show me "The game of Long." It's like "DONKEY." The first player demonstrates a trick and the next has to mimic it. If you mess up the trick or "sketch out," you get a "D." First one to spell "DONKEY" loses. I'm much more impressed with how they decide who will start the game. They've modified "paper, rock, scissors" into "headbanger, hippie, surfer." This is awesome. I'm so happy. I mean, I'm so stoked.
7:30: My lawyer gives my board a try. I quickly shoo her off. I don't really like sharing (remember, I was an only child). Plus, I can see that she's quickly getting better than me. Can't have that.
7:35: We're done for the night. Randy offers words of encouragement and informs me that we've just "shredded the gnar." When I ask for clarification, he replies, "You know, we were shreddin' the gnar." Totally. I love it!
7:40: On the walk back to 10 foot touque, we run into "Toby," a very drunk, angry man demanding "a shot of whiskey," I have no trouble telling Toby that he is chunk. No steeze there.
7:45: I feel happy, stoked, and totally chill as I say goodbye to the team. I feel "loose." Perhaps I can toss the Ativan?
7:50: I'm pretty sure that at least a dozen new highways are now being constructed in my brain. Early stages of construction, but it's happening. I think of Ryan. He would be so stoked about my first longboarding lesson...and the fact that I'm now using the word, "stoked." I can't wait to practice all week.

L8r Sk8r!
the videos below show my very first ride and Bass' steezy moves. Technology requires that you wait for it....