My Face is Melting

Ok. No time to blog - practicing flute like a maniac right now. Public flogging  concert is set for Saturday. Currently, I'm selectively choosing an audience (only friends/family who have humiliated themselves in front me in the past) and strong alcohol to feed my audience pre-performance (perhaps they will forget). I have the Pearl Jam song before me. It's a great song. One of my favorites. Although I presently know each and every note, I'm faced with some serious challenges here with d-3 days to showtime:

1) Why can't Eddie Vedder pick a regular rhythm and stick with it? This is no Jingle Bells, people. Heidi, flute coach extraordinaire, (it is of no fault of her own that I'm not excelling) attempted to count out the beats for me. I consistently played on the wrong beat...and Oh Heidi was so patient, "No, not quite." "just a little too early," and my favorite, "No, but that certainly sounded artistic." Shiiiit! Then Heidi had a fantastic solution: listen to the song and repeat a few bars at a time - brilliant! that I can do. That's why Heidi gets paid the big bucks...er, wait. She is not being paid. Why the h did  she agree to do this?

Pick up your lips and carry on

2) After a few bars, my face begins to melt. F#, G, A...oh wait, there goes my lips. G, B, C - nose falling to the floor, C, A, A - left eye dripping down neck. I literally lose all control of oral/facial muscles and an odd whistling sound begins to emerge out of the corner of my left lip. It's embarrassing. I may have to consider that when selecting my audience. "You've been appointed the official retriever of the lips. Just pick them off the floor and place them back on my face. Thanks, that's great."

3) By page 4 (there are 6 pages of music), I'm so out of breath that I consider calling in Respiratory Therapy for a tank of O2 and a non-rebreather (I love RT's - they are so calm and cool. That's who you call in an emergency such as this). Seriously, I work out like 3-4 days per week (we own a gym for God's sake!) Where the h is my "fluting" endurance and how do I build it up in 3 days?

Ok, starting to panic. Must go practice. I hate butchering Pearl Jam whilst fluting!