Seize The Day!: Cabbage Rolls and Baby Bumps

Warning: Do not write an angry letter to the Control Room Operator of the Universe. I posted that angry letter at approximately 10:30 pm on Tuesday and awoke at 6:45 am on Wednesday with a torn meniscus (that's in my knee. It's not good). Yep. I was, to be honest, a little flattered that the Control Room Operator of the Universe actually reads my blog (and so promptly, nevermind); however, I learned a valuable lesson. Keep angry thoughts bottled up. For years. And years. Push those angry thoughts down. Ok. Done! In what could not possibly be a "coincidence," my good friend, Stacey (remember "thathey" with the frontal lisp?) also suffered a torn meniscus this week. He read my angry letter and reportedly "enjoyed it." That'll show him.

Anyways, it's all fine. I'm slated for surgery next week and I'm still surrounded by awesome people who care - so let's just keep on keepin' on. And....I'm fricken hilarious on painkillers so you are all in for a real treat!

I'm still striving for domestic goddessness which is slightly more difficult on crutches (ever see those lovely 50's housewives remove a roast from the oven whilst shouting, "F'n crutches!") I headed out to Baba and Gido's farm last week for a very important cabbage roll making lesson. I shared my month end goal with Baba: To prepare a Ukrainian dinner for my bestie Janna's birthday! She nodded her head and very seriously replied, "Oh that's nice. Well, you can try." Hmmmm...confidence is NOT high.

The little farm kitchen was bustling with chaos excitement, as the farm is in the midst of seeding season. Baba heads up grand central station, shouting orders as men enter and exit the house.

"For Gawd's sake, Mike! What are you doing? Eat this sandwich!"

"Les. Drink water. Look at you. You're thirsty!"

"Hired man! You like borscht? Eat my borscht!"

As the noon hour wound down and the dust settled (on Baba's clean floors), we took a deep breath and she proceeded to teach me the rules of cabbage.

The quality of your cabbage rolls depends on two things: the texture of your cabbage and the flavor of your rice (which totally makes sense since that's all cabbage rolls consist of).

First, you must "blanch" your cabbage leaves. Blanching is simply dipping your cabbage into boiling water to soften the leaves. Baba has a freezer full of previously blanched cabbage - because "you never know when company will stop by unexpectedly." Baba and I have more in common than I thought! I hold that same philosophy with my "company" beer fridge!

Baba is blanching cabbage leaves to perfection

smallest cabbage roll ever = FAIL

As we removed the hard veins from the cabbage and seasoned our rice, Baba expressed her disgust with the modern day woman's display of the baby bump.

"I see these young girls wearing tight, short tops - and their pregnant belly is hanging right out! Why would they do that? Like they're showing it off! Ridiculous!"

Baba then went on to explain that in "her day," women strived to conceal the expanding baby bump. Baba had 3 "smocks" that she wore faithfully to conceal her pregnancy with all 5 children. Wow, how things have changed! Although I've never been pregnant, from what I understand via facebook and photography blogs, the pregnancy is to be celebrated and documented with photos. Side view! Front view! Husband's hands creating lovely heart around protruding belly button! How often do you see comments on a pregnant woman's facebook page, "Show us your baby bump!" It appears though society yearns to witness that expanding belly.

I asked Baba, "Why did women want to hide it?" I mean, I understand that pregnancy before marriage was, at one time, frowned upon, but why would a married woman choose to conceal her pregnancy?

"Well, people know how you got to be pregnant and then they talk about it!"

Really? Perhaps it was because they didn't have reality TV? Or TV at all, for that matter? I can honestly say that as a friend announces her pregnancy, I have NEVER immediately visualized how that pregnancy occurred. Ewwwww. That being said, I also have "The Bachelorlette" on Monday nights which perhaps fulfills that sick and twisted part of my brain.

This interests me. How did we go from one extreme to another? I didn't dare show Baba these pictures from www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com. This site makes me howl. Wow. Who the h thought these photos were a good idea?