Surprise Surprise... my mind is drunk

I’m really trying to embrace “meditation/mindfulness” month. I am. As far as the meditation goes, I have the breathing down extremely well, if I do say so myself. Although I’m struggling with sitting comfortably to meditate (you try with a giant leg brace and 15 degrees of bend in your knee), I am now capable of sitting and eliminating all distractions and focus on my breathing for 3 minutes straight. 3 whole minutes! I think that is impressive. My "Master" sends me web lectures every day. I’m actually really enjoying them. It’s forcing me to think about things that I’ve never thought about before. He tells me that the next step in reaching a meditative state is to stop thinking about my breathing and clear my mind. He tells me that my mind is drunk, which really doesn’t surprise me, given the amount of margaritas I consumed this weekend (yes, I’m drinking again. Screw balance). My mind is full of too many thoughts and ideas. He refers to this drunkenness as “a fever.” I kind of like this concept. It makes sense. Each and every thought that runs through your brain contributes to a fever (How the h does a fax machine really work?  Seriously, what are the words to "Informer"? Is it wrong that I want to sleep with or at least cuddle Justin Bieber?) There is just too much non-productive mind chatter . As long as that chatter runs through your mind, you are not able to truly relax and just be "in your own mind". I’m struggling with this next step. After 3 minutes of breathing focus, I attempt to stop thinking about my breathing and just “be.” I can last about 2.8 seconds until random thoughts begin transmitting between my synapses. My latest challenge has been inhibiting songs which suddenly begin playing in my brain. Seriously, why the h is Corey Hart interrupting my meditation and why do I have No idea what the actual words are to “I wear my sunglasses at night.” See what I mean? My mind needs to besober. I need mind AA.

Every day my Master also sends me an assignment. You all know how much I love assignments! Unfortunately, no one is grading me, which certainly detracts from the fun.  My Master sends me a video and asks me to contemplate a very difficult question on a daily basis. For example, He asked, “Who are you? How would you define yourself?” Ummm….I quickly jotted down some notes and realized my response read like a singles ad: “33 year old woman. Loves fun and walks on the beach.” Boo, Kirstie. Think. Who are you? Tough question. You try it.  He also asked me “Where are you going? If you continue on the same path you are currently on, where will you end up? Are you Ok with that?” Frick No! This question actually resulted in much anxiety and If I could actually figure out how to meditate, I would and make that anxiety go away. Although I’m generally happy with my life on a day-to-day basis, the thought of everything remaining the same (same job, same house, same city, same, same same) causes me to freak right out. I don’t want to stay on this path; yet, I’m uncertain as to what direction I want to head in. I want more. I want different. I want diversity. Shit, now my mind is super drunk. My mind just downed 10 shots of tequila. Thanks Master! The last assignment then required me to answer the question, “What do you want?” Ok, that’s easy. I want to be healthy and I want a giant check. You know those giant checks that golfers win in the PGA? I want one of those. I don't care how much it is worth, I just want the check. I would then wait in line at the ATM and watch other's reactions as I try to deposit it. Bahahaha. Easy. Done.  Oh wow. These questions are really forcing me to look within myself.

All I want is world peace....and a giant check. 

In other news, Evan selfishly pulled his groin whilst wake surfing. The groin pull was a recurring injury when he played pro hockey. Evan used to impressively stop pucks in the splits position, much to the delight of the crowd, but occasionally resulting in a nasty muscle pull. I recall the other hockey wives winking knowingly at me when Ev sprawled spread eagle in front of his net, “wow, you’re a lucky girl!” I would wink back and smile wondering how exactly I should be benefitting from Ev's impressive flexibility? Perhaps I need to read "50 shades of Grey"???

All mine, ladies. Not sure what to do with that, but it's all mine