Dear Salma Hayek...my husband thinks you're caliente.

I finished the letter! Colleen, (Spanish instructor extraordinaire) supplied the wine and feedback whilst Jason provided some little known facts about our girl, Salma. Apparently, she was kicked out of boarding school for playing practical jokes and enjoys breastfeeding starving babies of the world? She's also anti-plastic surgery - which is surprising, given her awkward physique. Ya right. Did anyone else find themselves staring for hours at her pic in my last post, getting absolutely lost in her....eyes? wow.

You may notice that I've incorporated my key vocabulary for the week: weather, women's clothing, body parts, positive traits, and negative traits. If you don't notice, don't worry, I have pointed it out to you throughout the letter. In addition, I've graduated to some simple negation so I do not have to constantly "like" everything. It's awesome. I'm finally finding my Spanish voice! I'm still stuck with present tense verbs, but you know what? There's no time like the present! In keeping with my theme of "Seize the day" "Live for the now," etc. I do believe it's quite appropriate that I only use present tense verbs. So there (past and future is so fricken complicated, especially post 3 glasses of wine).

Eat your heart out, Salma Hayek!

Again, English translation in bold. Witty side comments in italics.

Ola Sra Salma Hayek
Hello Mrs. Salma Hayek 


Que hay? Como estas? Estoy mas a menos. Me llamo Kirstie. Tengo 32 anos. Soy de Saskatchewan, Canada. Cual es el origen de tu familia? Estoy estudio espanol porque tengo in blog: Miralo! www.kirstie-seizetheday.blogspot.com. Esta gracioso!
What's up? How are you? I am not too bad. My name is Kirstie. I am 32 years old. I am from Saskatchewan, Canada. Where is your family from? I am studying Spanish because I have a blog. Check it out! www.kirstie-seizetheday.blogspot.com It is witty!  (I know, I know. It's the same opening as my letter to Mario. Except now my blog is "witty"- that's right, steppin' up the vocab...keep reading. It's about to get good).


Escribo tu porque mi esposo piense que ustede es muy caliente. El gusta sus curvas.
I am writing to you because my husband thinks you are very hot. He likes your curves.  (see, told you it was about to get interesting. She's probably quite intrigued at this point in the letter)


Usted tienes bonita ojos y bonita cara y amplio senos. .

You have a beautiful...beard??

You have beautiful eyes and a beautiful face and an ample bosom (ok, I cheated. I only knew how to say "big chest" which didn't seem appropriate. I totally spanishdicted "ample bosom.")


Tu tienes curvas pero yo no los tengo. Esta bien. Yo no soy agresivo. Soy sympatico. Tengo una abogada y ella es mi amiga. Si yo ofendo tu, hablas con ella
(This is where Salma and I make up, essentially - check out my negation) You have curves but I do not have them. It's ok. I am not hostile. I am nice. (please note appropriate use of "positive" and "negative" traits). I have a lawyer and she is my friend. If I offend you, please talk to her. (my lawyer recommended that I frequently insert this clause within my letters)


Me gusta mucho "Puss in Boots." Me siento triste por "Kitty Softpaws" porque ella no tiene garras.
I really like "Puss in Boots." I feel sad for "Kitty Softpaws" because she has no claws. (whoa, my negation is out of control, people!)


Mi gato no tiene garras tambien. Siento triste por mi gato, Biloxi. "Puss in Botts" es gracioso!
My cat has no claws also. I feel sad for my cat, Biloxi. "Puss in Boots" is witty. (Ok, not one of my finer sentences, but I'm attempting to find common ground with Salma, other than the fact that my husband finds both of us attractive)


Como es su bambina? Ella es bonita!
How is your child? She is beautiful! (now I'm kissing ass with hopes that Salma will acknowledge my blog)


Te gusta la nieve? No me gusta la nieve. Hay mucho nieve en Canada ahora. Es la mierda.
Do you  like snow? I don't like snow. There is lots of snow in Canada right now. It is shitty.
(I had to get my weather vocab in here somewhere. I also learned Spanish slang from Colleen - es la mierda = it is shitty. I think this will come in handy).


Mucho Gusto! Por favor enviar mi esposo su pantaleta. Jeje! Estoy bromiander. Tengo una abogada y ella es mi amiga. Si yo ofendo tu, hablas con ella!
Nice to meet you! Please send my husband your panties (women's clothing). haha. I am joking. I have a lawyer and she is my friend. If I offend you, please speak to her. (Ok, this is where: a) she throws back that beautiful raven hair of hers and laughs uncontrollably at the sheer wit of my letter or b) contacts security immediately - by the way, Evan is quite hopeful that she will, in fact, send him her panties. GAWD!)

jejejeje! I have curves and you do not. This is good mierda. 

Su amiga,
Kirstie Lindsay

P.D. Yo no soy loca. Solamente se los verbos en conjugacion presente. jeje. Yo no se mucho vocabulario en espanol ahora. Entences necessito estudiar y practicar mas.

P.S: I am not crazy. I only know present tense verbs. haha. I do not know much Spanish vocabulary right now. Therefore, it is necessary to study and practice more. (Colleen highly recommended that this be inserted; as did my lawyer).