See how much I'm learKNEEng!!!

Today I'm taking the time to sit on my deck, sip a little wine and perrier (the perfect summer drink) and reflect on the past month. I didn't learn how to ride a unicycle as I had hoped. I didn't get the opportunity to spend time with an "expert" learning a new and exciting skill as I have each and every month leading up to June. I have; however, learned a lot about myself this month (good and bad). I suppose that's really what this year is all about. I wanted to challenge myself - to push myself beyond my limits, and although I would never have chose "function on one leg whilst enduring the worst physical pain you've ever experienced" as a monthly goal, it was chosen for me. I can grow from this. I can learn from this, dammit!

Here's what I've learnt:

1) As an injured person, you are the #1 target for injury sharing


It seems as though once those crutches are spotted, you become a target. People are magnetically drawn to you. There becomes this imperative need to share their personal injury experience. To be honest, it is occasionally interesting and helpful to learn how people have coped with braces, casts, and crutches for an extended period of time and I am grateful for tips on how to function with day to day tasks. What gets me is the number of people who immediately create a competition entitled "whose injury is worse?" Recalling blood, guts and gore, these people want me to try (I dare you!) to one-up their horrid knee injury from 1982 (or whenever). I give. You win. Yours was worse. I do not have a screw sticking out my kneecap nor has my knee filled with radioactive pus. Yes, I am extremely lucky that I live in an age with orthoscopic surgery and was not sliced from hip to ankle by my orthopaedic surgeon. You win. Now please, leave me alone.

I also stumbled upon a forum for people living life after knee surgery. It's quite comical, to say the least.  There are specific forums for each and every knee surgery known to man. As I entered the "micro fracture surgery"discussion group, I was inundated with personal stories of recovery from the surgery. Keeping in mind that the majority of these people are off work, I wasn't surprised at the detail that was shared. I was; however, surprised to see the conflict and arguments that were occurring on this forum.

KneeNewb: "Hey guys, just had micro fracture surgery - what can I expect as far as recovery?"

KneeSurvivorman: "Welcome to the forum, KneeNewb. It's a gruelling recovery. Physio is long and painful. Don't expect to return to any of the approved activities/sports for about 6 months. Good luck!"

Speedyhealer 32: "KneeNewb, my recovery was quick! 2 weeks and I was jogging again. It's not a big deal at all!"

KneeSurvivorman: "Speedyhealer, identify yourself and the specifics of your surgery. All you are doing is creating false hope for our group!"

Speedyhealer32: "I had my meniscus repaired in '07 and have had no complications - ran a marathon 3 weeks post surgery."

KneeSurvivorman: "speedyhealer32, you're on the wrong forum. Get off immediately and go to "meniscus repair". You don't belong here. Get a brain!"

Suzykneecheese: "Ya, speedyhealer32, get off you big jerk!"

Ouch. Tough crowd.


2) Puppy dog eyes - Ugh!


It's the look that people get when they're observing a litter of puppies frolicking about. The lips get pouty and the eyes turn down. With puppies it means, "isn't that the sweetest thing ever?" With humans, that look can only mean one thing. Pity.

I'm not going to lie, I do not mind being the centre of attention (a fact that you should all know by now if you're following my blog). I'ver realized; however, that I much prefer the "look at that super cool chick!" attention versus, "look at that pathetic girl" attention. I'm over it!

Perhaps that puppy dog pity look is good for me. My initial reaction is to defend the injury, "It's really not that bad, you know. " "It could be way worse." "It's healing extremely well."  Stop picking on my damn knee! I don't want to pitied. I want to be admired. This is difficult, especially given that I've been throwing my own pity party from time to time (guest count: 1). No one wants to attend a pity party.

This experience has made me much more cognizant of my own reaction/response when dealing with the injured. I will definitely be more aware of the balance between compassion and motivation when I am working with my own patients who are facing adversity. I realized how well our rehab team at the hospital creates this balance when I returned to work this week. As each therapist stopped in my office to chat, they acknowledged how difficult it must be, than quickly began discussing how ripped my upper body was becoming and how happy they were to see my face back at work. It made me feel good. Yay rehab professionals! It's a tremendous skill that few possess.

3) Beyonce never sang about the "dependent woman"


I pride myself on being an independent woman. I earn enough to maintain the lifestyle I desire. I have the ability to walk into a room full of strangers and make friends quite quickly (unless I'm in Calgary - for some reason, I struggled there), and I feel secure and completely comfortable with who I am as a person. This has all been tested in the last month.

I HATE having to create lists for my husband (Don't forget to feed the dog and cat! - seriously, he needs me to write it down?). I HATE having to ask my mom to drive up from the lake to sit at my bedside because "I feel pukey." I HATE having to line up rides from friends and family so that I can return to work. I am incredibly grateful for all the assistance that has been provided - especially to my mom who has been unbelievably helpful. But it certainly changes the dynamic of your relationships. Up until now, Ev and I have been flourishing in our chosen roles as husband and wife - he works hard, I work hard, we meet up and play hard on a regular basis. It works for us. Suddenly I'm texting him to request that he can come home ASAP to bathe, dress and feed me. It's certainly not the norm for us and neither of us are happy with the new setup, but, thankfully, it's temporary. It causes me to reflect on all my stroke patients throughout the years who suddenly went from "husband" to "patient" in a matter of minutes. How difficult and humbling it must be navigate those new roles...especially for older men who have traditionally been the head of the household. I recall scoffing at a male patient who refused home care to aide with bathing. "But you need the help," I argued. What a stubborn man! Now, I completely understand. Not just anyone gets to bath me!

Pinterest Project #3: Bedazzle your knee brace - why not?

My fabulous sister, Kayla, and I decided to trick out my knee brace. Now covered in inspirational sayings and sparkly fish, turtle, and jewels, it has been transformed from fun inhibitor to PAAAAAARTY TIME!

suck on this, Pinterest

Wow. I don't know about you, but I'm inspired

Danger! Danger! 

rough water ahead!

This was super inspiring at 2am when I thought my knee was exploding

Thanks, Kayla! 

July was supposed to be "learn how to sail" month and I'm incredibly disappointed that this is no longer an option. Any ideas for a sedentary goal that I can accomplish? I'm tapped out of creative ideas!